Sacrifice...

   We didn’t gather on the third day. Well, I should say that we gathered many times but it was short and hurried, quickly spent with a chorus of “Did you get…” and “Oh, don’t forget to…” and “Hug me quick because I’m late for work.” Life hands you schedules that are hard to keep and healing work won’t wait until after Advent. Even Christ had to heal on the Sabbath.

  I was sad and more than a little disappointed. I can see that this Advent while so much BETTER and more FOCUSED will not be perfect. It’s hard to appreciate that when you are a perfectionist to the core and every little thing needs to BE. JUST. SO. I pray that I can silence my disappointment and open my heart to my children. They need to live without the weight of perfection lying like a heavy yolk around their shoulders. How can they look joyfully to Heaven when they are burdened down by my faults?

I chose my work, yearned for it, was called to it. This nursing work of helping and healing, cleaning and soothing. It brings me joy and quiets my soul. I find God in the healing. 

But the time. It take SO much time. I hate the time away from my family. Time that I like to plan and organize and make into beautiful, scrapbook worthy moments.

Father J. reminds me that I am sacrificing something when I’m unable to go do the things I want because of my work. He sweetly scolds me that sometimes our Father knows what is hardest to sacrifice and arranges for that sacrifice to be placed in our path. 

Oh Lord, you know my heart so well.