Advent, Day 4

“And so the Lord said, ‘I will destroy all human beings that I made on the Earth. And I will destroy every animal and everything that crawls on the earth and the birds of the air, because I am sorry that I have made them.’”

Once again we listen to the Word and are stunned to silence.

He was sorry. Sorry he made us. He despaired that we even existed. He wanted to destroy everything.

Michaela is stricken. “But we are so much WORSE now.”

We all nod in somber agreement and quiet despair. But there is hope!

“Noah found favor with God.”

How did he find fvor? How can WE find favor?

For the love of one faithful man, God offered a reprieve from his terrible justice. Noah must not only believe, but act on his belief. In the midst of persecution and ridicule he picked up hammer and nails and crafted salvation from wood. And when the flood of God's disappointment was over, the Lord of all creation hung a promise in the sky to remind us of His love.

The rainbow reminds us of God’s promise, and that our true salvation comes from another piece of wood, the raft of the cross that we must cling to or be drowned in the sins of the world.

Advent Tree, 3

 I was unprepared. Once again, my disappointment that things weren’t going according to MY plan hid the possibility that things were going exactly according to HIS. We gathered and they were… excited. Excited! Thrilled to be reading and discussing and learning! How could I have worried that they had to wait a day or two? Isn’t the lesson all about the waiting? I was humbled before I even began.

 This lesson was about the Fall of Man. “We’re only two chapters in. And the whole story falls apart.” Have you ever thought about that? Two Chapters. Only one generation from God. And still in the presence of God. God walked with them in the “breezy part of the day”. God WALKED with them. They were In His Presence! Regularly! How could anyone turn from that? How could anyone be tempted? 

 But they were. They made their choice and all of Man has paid the price for their Pride. Paid the price for the desire to be bigger, better. Paid for the need to KNOW, and the need to say “See, I know too.” God is swift in His justice. Elizabeth looks at me, eyes wide and whispers “How devastating.”

But God breathes hope to Eve. Hope that one day a distant descendant will crush the head of that tempting serpent. Do we see now that His plan is from the beginning? That from the moment of our Fall He has arranged our redemption? Do we appreciate that Christ knew at that moment the price he would have to pay to save us?

We hung a big red apple on our tree. It’s good for food and pleasing to the eye, but it weighs down the branch almost to breaking. Weighs it down heavy, like the sins of the world.

Sacrifice...

   We didn’t gather on the third day. Well, I should say that we gathered many times but it was short and hurried, quickly spent with a chorus of “Did you get…” and “Oh, don’t forget to…” and “Hug me quick because I’m late for work.” Life hands you schedules that are hard to keep and healing work won’t wait until after Advent. Even Christ had to heal on the Sabbath.

  I was sad and more than a little disappointed. I can see that this Advent while so much BETTER and more FOCUSED will not be perfect. It’s hard to appreciate that when you are a perfectionist to the core and every little thing needs to BE. JUST. SO. I pray that I can silence my disappointment and open my heart to my children. They need to live without the weight of perfection lying like a heavy yolk around their shoulders. How can they look joyfully to Heaven when they are burdened down by my faults?

I chose my work, yearned for it, was called to it. This nursing work of helping and healing, cleaning and soothing. It brings me joy and quiets my soul. I find God in the healing. 

But the time. It take SO much time. I hate the time away from my family. Time that I like to plan and organize and make into beautiful, scrapbook worthy moments.

Father J. reminds me that I am sacrificing something when I’m unable to go do the things I want because of my work. He sweetly scolds me that sometimes our Father knows what is hardest to sacrifice and arranges for that sacrifice to be placed in our path. 

Oh Lord, you know my heart so well.